Sunday, August 5, 2012

Dear tdgzs!

To: Jessica, Karen, Ingga, Mabs, Ros and Chalo

Remember the days, we went to Karen's place to catch some sleep especially after PE class? Or hung out at Marquis and bought their blueberry cheesecake or sometimes the mango float from next door Julie's and bring it to OUR table? You guys are the highlight to my brief yet very memorable stay in CDU.

Chalo - Out of everyone in the group, we spoke the least and I know next to nothing about you. And I am sorry for that. I admit to being very intimidated to how pretty you were and thinking so very out of my league. I should have gotten to know you better. I regret not trying hard enough, if at all. I see your pictures and updates on facebook and somehow (even though I don't know your life) I feel very proud to have met you and (in a very small way) to have been connected to you somehow through our group :) I hope you keep smiling Chalo. You have a very beautiful smile.

Ros - Mama Ros, I'm sorry for the way I acted during the Bandemonium. I was rude and ungrateful and I can't express how ashamed I am for saying those words to you. Even now when I think back on it, I cringe at how badly I handled that. I know we already talked about this during that open forum before our capping, but I felt like I didn't apologize to you enough. I'm so so sorry. :( Because of this, I couldn't ever feel comfortable anymore being around you like I used to and it's such a screw up on my part. I should have tried harder to repair our relationship, but I let my shame push me further away from you.

I admire your tenacity. You were loud and so very sure of yourself. I was actually very surprised how we became friends. I was so quiet and insecure. Yes I spoke my opinions during class, but for the most part those were just lip service and a brave front and not really how I felt most of the time. Did you see how unsure I was of myself? Is that why you took me under your wing?

Thank you for protecting me Ros. You were my strength in so many ways during my nursing days that I for sure as lasted as long as I did because you were around.

Karen - Grandma :) I shall always see your future to be that of either a doctor-slash-politician's wife or as the politician herself. You carried this very dignified air about you that I admired. If we were in the renaissance days, you would be a Marchioness. That's how I always saw you. I do hope it happens, you're becoming a doctor. I wasn't surprised at all that you were heading this direction. You would be a  great doctor. Calm under any circumstances. Reliable during crunch time. :) I can see it.

Ingga - You were there during my very first heartbreak. You let me stay at your place and cry and even bought strawberry ice cream. Thank you for taking care of me 'ga. You have no idea how much it helped to have you around. One of my greatest regrets for this barkada was that I wasn't there for you during your hard times like you were there for me. I never got a chance to. If there is an afterlife and I get to meet your dad, I'll tell him how much you love him and how proud he should be of how strong a person you've become.

Jess - My ex-sister-in-law and girlfriend. You have no idea how very happy I am that we're friends. Countless moments I'm sure that you helped cheer me up when I was down and you made going out fun for me. Before I met you, I never had someone to dance with and enjoy music with. The first time truly let myself go and let the beat guide me, you were there. I had my first taste of freedom.

I'm sorry I can't help you plan your wedding. (If you're reading this pre-engagement, I want you to know that I'm 100% positive it's going to happen.) You'll be a very beautiful bride. I'll be there to watch you walk down the aisle. Your invisible bridesmaid. I'll make sure it won't rain and that you'll have a soft breeze while you're walking down the aisle so that you're train will sway a little.

Mabz - Have I told you you're my savior? You and daddy and shake and mommy and everyone in our quirky family. You made high school bearable for me. I didn't feel like a weirdo reading my romance books, writing/reading fanfiction and watching anime. It encouraged me to write knowing you did the same. Please tell the others that they helped me smile more. That I laughed freely knowing you guys were laughing right beside me. For a long while, I felt like a pariah in high school because of what happened my first year? Do you remember that? I never truly found my footing after that, not until you guys came along. I wasn't lonely anymore.

We weren't close until college I know. But the seeds had been planted then and because you were with me during BSN 1-L classes, I was able to enjoy nursing. I wasn't afraid to mess up because I knew you were there to help me along and cheer me up.

I was a coward for quitting. I admit to that now. I should've stayed and talked to you guys before making my decision. I feel like I was so selfish for not telling you before I made my move. I'm sorry. I know being my close friends at that time, you might have been put on the spot by either our classmates or teachers, asking you questions you had no idea how to answer.

Mabz, you're the sister of my heart. My sailor senshi. I'll miss you.

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