Preparation.. Credit Card Dilemma

One of the many things I'll need to straighten out is the credit card situation.

I've got a ticket charged here for an October trip that my friends will take. If I'm declared dead before they go on this trip, will the credit card company stop payment for this purchase? Will that make the ticket void?

I don't know who to ask this question since obviously I can't go to the bank and say "Hey, I'm going to die soon. But you see I've got a plane ticket charged on my credit card. Will it still be valid even if I die?"

They'll be calling the police and get me committed. What will happen to my plans then?

Tomorrow I think I'll buy the pills. I've got 14 already. I just need another 16, plus the sleeping aide that should help me stay asleep during whatever seizures or pain I'll experience when my liver finally starts to fail.

Should I say wish me luck?

Suicide Letter

During my google-ing for the my suicide method I came across a blog that said "the suicide project". It didn't help me though because the writer was just babbling about how painful suicide will be and that it's not really 100% that anyone dies from on overdose attempt. Also he discouraged it saying life will get better.

I waited seven years and it's not. Getting better I mean.

But the title of that blog though stuck to me. Hence why I started this even though it may be cut off suddenly seeing that I am planning to die soon. Maybe no one will read it and I right now I don't much care.

I want to write my goodbye letters though I don't also want to give them to the people I'm leaving behind. That's why I created a new email address specifically for this purpose. Signed up under a different name that only the very closest people might have a hint to. Although that could be impossible as well since my pseudonym has been very rarely used and I only spoke of it a handful of times, and I'm not even sure those people paid attention.

Tari Tinuviel is my Elvish name.

So hopefully, someone I know will stumble into this site one day and read the letter I have for them.

The Suicide Project.. Because I Want to Die

Last night i started searching for quick and painless ways to die. But apparently that's not really possible. So instead I looked into the most dignified ways to be found dead. Overdose is to the leading contender. And over-the-counter drugs are most easily available.

Paracetamol overdose needs 30 pills within 24 hours.

The when needs to be determined. I don't want to leave my family a mess. I need to do it some other place than home since I don't want them to be the one to find my body.

Effective suicide needs careful planning. And that's what I have to do.

My death of choice isn't painless. I will go through liver failure first and it sounds to be painful. And because of that, I plan to drink alcohol to maybe get me sleepy as well. Perhaps I'll die in my sleep but I think the pain would still wake me up. I need to research on sleeping pills so that I could take it as well.

Melatonin they say helps you fall asleep. Hope its not expensive.

Another thing I have to consider is that this suicide is going to be expensive. But I don't have a job to pay for this so that leaves me with my credit card. And that leads to problems because that would mean when they find the statement, then they'd really know I planned my death. Not that they wouldn't suspect it already since I'm doing the deed in a hotel probably. A cheap one. Charged to my credit card again.

I really want to die.